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bluebob
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Post by bluebob »

thanks for the comments, back to the garage for the overhaul
Last edited by bluebob on Mon Feb 28, 2011 2:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Bob
Trent River, Ontario

Lenny Lee
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Re: acoustic pop song

Post by Lenny Lee »

Hi Bob,
This one has definitely got potential. I like the progression and mood, and I love that repeating delay you put on Jas's voice on the transitions. As for the outro, it transitions well and it works, but I think you speed it up too much. It'd be smoother with a less drastic tempo change IMO.

I always love Jasmines voice, and I realize this is still in the rough stage, but for the first time her
singing sounds tentative here. The phrases are a bit samey. You might have her play around with the vocal melody some more and let the vocal part develop and become more engaging.
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bluebob
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Re: acoustic pop song

Post by bluebob »

Lenny Lee wrote:Hi Bob,
This one has definitely got potential. I like the progression and mood, and I love that repeating delay you put on Jas's voice on the transitions. As for the outro, it transitions well and it works, but I think you speed it up too much. It'd be smoother with a less drastic tempo change IMO.

I always love Jasmines voice, and I realize this is still in the rough stage, but for the first time her
singing sounds tentative here. The phrases are a bit samey. You might have her play around with the vocal melody some more and let the vocal part develop and become more engaging.
thanks alot lenny, really. I was kind of hoping you'd be around. all of our songs you've commented on I've made adjustments from your opinion, I think you really know a song. I have to say I felt her vocal seemed a bit unsure, for lack of a better word, actually your comment "tentative" is more fitting. it may have been that my music was fairly basic melodically and came across as rather plain and impacted her take I dunno. I will get her to read this and maybe try to play around with the vocal more. glad you like the out part, I will try it slowed a bit. lol my wrist is better now so I was all hyped up to do some fast strummin again.
thanks again man!
Bob
Trent River, Ontario

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firestamper
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Re: acoustic pop song

Post by firestamper »

that is a realy nice tune, jasmine has got a lovely tone to her voice.

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Re: acoustic pop song

Post by Karl »

+1 on all of Lenny's points.

A nice relaxing track. Only other thing I'd mention is that, before the fast part (the player doesn't give me any time stamp info so I cant reference time points for you) when the vocalist is singing there's a synth line that plays underneath her, panned right. It's playing a harmonic line to the vocals but the timing is off from the vocals.

It might be a little busy as well when the vocals are there (distracts me from the vocals). I'd suggest that you might consider tweaking the part to simplify it when the vocals are there (maybe play a very simple harmonic line of 1/4 notes under the voc's) then let it get a little more movement between vocal phrases...kind of like answering the vocal phrases??? Not sure if that makes sense???

Nice tune, good potential.

karl
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bluebob
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Re: acoustic pop song

Post by bluebob »

appreciate the listens and comments firestamper, karl.
I'm glad no one has said its all just too milky, lol.

@ karl, yup makes perfect sense. I did play the line a bit loose, actually on purpose buy ya maybe its a bit distracting. I like the idea of less notes during the vocal. noted for the next version.
Bob
Trent River, Ontario

Dave S
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Re: acoustic pop song

Post by Dave S »

Hi Bob

It think it's all been said by Lenny and Karl.

I'd emphasis that in the faster section the beat could be better defined. I do like loose stuff but there in faster music there does need to be a defining rhythm of some kind IMHO.

That faster section maded me think of celtic or folk dancing. Just thinking out loud, perhaps you could add some sort of percussion instrument like claves or some some sort of drum.

Cheers
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